I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
