dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
