i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
