You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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