I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I love having hate sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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