I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
