If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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