you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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