Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
