I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
