too bad you live with your parents still
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize