I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
