I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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