i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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