sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
