she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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