i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
