I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
