Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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