Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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