I feel like I'm in dance class right now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
