my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
