I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
