i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
