Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
