I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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