we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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