I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
