did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
