Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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