my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize