I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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