My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
