I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
