Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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