i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
