Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
