can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
