Only a mothe r could love this liver
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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