half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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