May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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