im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this will be a night to untag.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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