So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
