I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
