I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My feet surprised me
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