don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we should paint friendship bongs
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