I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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