I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
