If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
