10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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