i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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