So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
