I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
