On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
