what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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