I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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