First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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