I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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