he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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