Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
