I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
