i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
