Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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