anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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