those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
