we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
