you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
