sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
