Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
