I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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