Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
