I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
