The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
